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Irma Ciber – The Beauty of Courage
Sarajevo native overcomes childhood losses, hardships to become strong,
successful mother in Fargo
Moorhead – When Irma Ciber and her family lived in Sarajevo, all they wanted was a normal day.
“I remember my mother saying, ‘Maybe you can go to school today. Maybe they won’t shell us today.’ ”
But more often than not in 1992, in the midst of the Bosnian war, that wasn’t the case. Many days, 9-year-old Irma would set off on her 5-mile walk to school only to find herself, moments later, face down on the ground taking cover from the bombs.
By the end of that year, Irma would suffer third-degree burns, watch her mother die and be forced to leave her country – all the while becoming a surrogate mother to her 3-year-old sister. From that early hardship, she has grown into a strong, successful woman who chooses to always look at the positive.
For these reasons and more, Irma is our Beautiful Woman for the May.
As 28-year-old Irma reads a story to her 2-year-old daughter Lamya in their Moorhead home, it’s not hard to notice her accent. It’s definitely part Eastern European, but something about the way she says her O’s screams Upper Midwest.
“I’m just sooo grateful to be here,” she says.
It’s somehow appropriate that Irma’s accent would be a mix of here and there. After all, her life has taken her from war-torn Bosnia, to Italy, to the wide open spaces of North Dakota.
In 1992, Irma was living with her parents and her sister Dijana in Sarajevo. Her dad, Denial Ciber, was an auto mechanic and her mom, Vezira Ciber, stayed home. But that was before the war changed everything.
The war began in April of that year as a result of the breakup of Yugoslavia. Ethnic groups within the country including Bosniaks, Serbs and Croats battled for territory and power and families like the Cibers were caught in the middle. More than 12,000 residents of Sarajevo were killed – 1,500 of them children.
“I was 9, so I had some idea what was going on. It was terrifying,” she says.
“One day, a man had been hit not far from us. I remember seeing blood running out of his body right down our street. My mother told me to look away. But it was hard to look away from all of it.”
Her father was drafted into the Bosnian army. By this point, the invading Serb army had cut off water and electricity to homes throughout Sarajevo. Food was just as scarce.
“I remember my mother taking dandelion leaves and trying to make a salad out of them,” Irma says.
The family had to sleep on the floor because it was safer than being in their beds close to the windows where the bombs could get them. But one night in November 1992, the danger came not from enemy shelling, but from the strike of a match.
When Irma had to use the bathroom in the middle of the night, she asked her mom to light a candle for her so she could see. When her mother struck the match it set off an explosion that blew the windows out of the house.
“I just remember a bright flash of light then covering my face with my hands,” Irma says.
Her father and a friend had installed gas lines in the home, and something obviously had gone terribly wrong.
Irma’s mother had third degree burns over 60 percent of her body; Irma and her sister Dijana were burned on their hands, face and feet. Their father suffered only minor burns.
They were rushed to the hospital where Irma says she most remembers the sensation of her face swelling and awakening to the sounds of soldiers crying out in pain. She says it was terrifying. Even more so when she overheard doctors saying that they might have to amputate her hands.
“They just told us that we had to go to another country,” she recalls. “I don’t think they even knew where they were going to send us.”
They knew their father had to stay back and fight in the war. But Irma, Dijana and Vezira were sent to Italy where days later Irma watched her mother utter her last words.
“At the end, she just kept saying my uncle’s name,” Irma says, her voice breaking with emotion.
With her mother now dead and her sister so young, Irma knew what she had to do. “We were all we had. I remember thinking I had to take on the role of mother for her.”
Dijana cries when she talks about what her sister means to her.
“I had nobody,” says Dijana, who nominated Irma. “If it weren’t for her, I wouldn’t have made it.”
But Irma says while she became her sister’s surrogate mother, Dijana was her “rock.”
“Without her I would have been so lonely all those months,” Irma says.
“It was because of her I wanted to be better. I was motivated to keep pushing ahead.”
While Irma mothered her little sister, she was still a child herself, taking comfort in a little stuffed dog someone at the hospital had given her.
He’s well worn and scraggily, but he still means the world to her.
“Even now when I hold him it brings back good memories,” she says. “I know that sounds weird, but this thing made me feel better when I was scared and lonely.”
They spent six months in that Italian hospital. Part of the stay was made better by an old woman, a member of a charitable organization, who would visit them.
But as the months wore on, the girls’ future was uncertain. The Italian government decided to put them up for adoption despite their father still presumably alive in Bosnia. It was too much for the old woman to adopt them, but Irma says soon a “wonderful family” came forward to take them in.
“We endured all this craziness. But we were blessed with these individuals, these people with huge hearts.”
But it wouldn’t last. After about a year and a half, Denial Ciber petitioned the Italian government to get his daughters back to Bosnia. Irma still has newspaper clippings from Sarajevo that detail the legal battle. After months, the Italian government granted his request to get the girls back, but required him to take them to a different country.
Irma says the hardest part was leaving her new Italian family for more uncertainty. Another country. Another language.
Fortunately, an aunt had already come to the U.S. – to Fargo. With the help of Lutheran Social Services, she flew over to Italy to help Irma, Dijana and Denial settle in their new home. Irma had just turned 12.
“I remember getting off the plane at Hector (Airport in Fargo) thinking ‘Where am I?’ It was so empty here,” she says.
But soon enough, Irma says the emptiness was replaced by warmth and inclusion.
“People were so nice here,” she says. “Even at school, they made me feel like the coolest kid on the block! I never felt out of place here.”
Still there were challenges. Irma says because they lived in Italy so long, they were beginning to lose their ability to speak Bosnian. Now they found themselves living with Bosnian relatives in America trying to remember their native tongue and learn a brand new one.
Plus, because of their burns, both Irma and Dijana would need multiple surgeries. She says the Shriner’s Hospitals really helped both of them.
Irma went on to graduate from Fargo South in 2003 and from North Dakota State University in 2008. She got a job at Family Health Care Center in Fargo first as a translator for refugee patients and now as an executive assistant.
“I’ve been so used to people helping me, giving to me. Now I’m giving back to the community!”
Through all of this, Ciber has avoided feeling sorry for herself.
“Certainly, I would never wish this on anybody,” she says. “It’s left its scars, but it’s also made me stronger. I’ve been through it and I’ve survived. You know everybody has challenges.”
Now on this Mother’s Day, as she celebrates with Lamya, her long time boyfriend Kevin Craddock, and Dijana (who is now pregnant with her first child) she still thinks of her own mother and her “sweet soul.”
“It’s been 18 years since I lost my mom. It’s still hard. But she’s here somewhere looking at what we’re doing. I hope she’s seeing that I’m successful and happy.”
Dijana and those who work with Irma say “happy” is a great word to describe her.
Irma says with a big smile, “Of course, I’m happy. I don’t have anything to be sad about. Life has given me challenges. But I just look at what I have now: a job, a home, a family. I couldn’t ask for anything more.”
Tracy Briggs is the digital content development director for Forum Communications. She can be reached at tracy.briggs@fccinteractive.com.
Samantha Meyer
Samantha has been through more than anyone should at 25 years old. At 24 she found out the baby she was carrying had the most severe form of Spina Biffida and Dandy Walker syndrome and could not survive.( She found this out when she was volunteering on the Extreme Makeover Home for the young man that has Spina Biffida. ) At 5 months she lost that baby. Samantha has the baby’s footprints tatooed on the side of her neck so they would always be with her.
The next year, she was excited and nervous to be pregnant again, at 9 weeks she found out that although the baby was perfect, it implanted in her cervix. She was immediately life flighted to Mayo. After many tests it was confirmed that this rare cervical pregnancy could not survive and risked of her life. She then went under 2 rounds of chemo to try to get the tissue to pass or reabsorb, which it didnt. After 4 weeks at Mayo, her doctors decided that she was stable enough to try surgically help. The surgery started and I waited upstairs. I knew after 4 1/2 hours with no word it had been too long, but I though maybe they didnt get started on time. Finally the nurse came in and said the dr. is on the phone and wants to talk to you. I was nervous, and anxious to hear those words that she was fine. Those words did not come. Her dr. told me that almost immediately after starting the surgery the tissue let go and she started to bleed, then hemmorhage. She told me that they were prepared for this but Samantha wasnt stable enough to move her to the other room where the machine needed was. She wouldnt make it. The dr. then told me after trying everything else, she had to do a emergency hysterectomy to save her . I cannot tell you how this has challenged all of our faith in the “fairness” of life. On top of all of these personal challenges, earlier we had found out that we are gene positive mutation carrier of BRCA 1, meaning we are at a very high risk of developing breast and ovarian cancer. The treatment for this, complete hysterectomy and double mastectomy. Samantha had her double mastectomy 4 weeks ago and is in the middle of the reconstruction process. All of these reasons are why I am nominating her for the beautiful woman. Samantha has been an inspiration to us, often showing us how to move forward in life. She has said ” I choose to focus on what I have, instead of what I have lost.” As a photographer she captures the beauty of everyone elses families and the happy times of their lives, while dealing with the turmoil of her own. She has shown courage and strength in choosing to be happy in her life again. She is a survivor. Beth Meyer
Bev Peters
Bev Peters is the most caring person I know. She puts everyone else before herself. She has done foster care for almost 10 years and has been a daycare provider for over 30 years! Bev has the biggest heart ever, she takes in children that are in need and treats them as if they were her own. I love how Bev can make a child feel like they are loved and needed! I was put into foster care nearly 10 years ago and I ended up in the Peters’ household. i would not have wanted it any differently. Bev has taught me that you can do anything you set your mind to. i have learned to be a better person and think more about people’s feeling from seeing what Bev does. She battled breast cancer within the last few years and she continued to do what she does best, love children. She found the time to battle the cancer while still helping foster children by providing a loving home for them.
Laura McShane
Laura has been an inspiration to many people that she knows or anyone that has heard her story. She is a 33 year old mother of 5 year old twins, she was diagnosed with inner ocular melanoma in February 2008, she is still fighting the disease as it has spread to her liver in 2010. We now travel to Philadelphia every 4 weeks for another type of treatment that targets the tumors on her liver. The recoveries are very hard on her and she needs at least two weeks before she can get back to work. During all of this and trying multiple treatments, she continues to work, be a full time mother, and a fantastic wife. She has never uttered the words give up or even thought about it, she has been knocked down more than any young woman should, but she keeps getting back up. She is a fighter and an influence to anyone that maybe fighting health problems, she is my best friend, and wife, and the world is a better place with her in it. Ross McShane
Beautiful Woman for May – Earlier than Normal
Just a quick note to remind you that we’ll be announcing the May Beautiful Woman a little earlier than normal this month.
In honor of Mother’s Day, we’ll be announcing the honoree in Sunday’s edition of The Forum instead of Monday’s paper.
You can still watch her story at the normal time on WDAY-TV news Sunday night at 10 with Kerstin Kealy.
She’ll also be a guest on The Christopher Gabriel Program.
Stay tuned and get ready to be inspired by this amazing woman (and mom!)
Get those votes in!
It’s your last chance to vote for May’s finalists for Beautiful Women!
All three of these women have stories worth sharing, but your votes will decide who will be featured in The Forum of Fargo-Moorhead and on WDAY-TV and WDAY-AM on Mother’s Day and the following day.
Voting is easy to do.
Just click on the tab on the blog page and stay tuned as we tell another inspirational story of a beautiful woman in our community.
Congratulations to our May finalists!
A big CONGRATULATIONS to our 3 finalists for May! They are: Vicki Berg, Irma Ciber, and Nichole Peschong. Read their stories and decide who you’d like to see featured in The Forum, on WDAY-TV and WDAY-AM on May 13th and 14th. Voting starts now! You can vote as many times as you’d like.
Vicki Berg (far left)
She is a person who can touch any person she meets (including strangers) within 5 minutes! She works in the West Acres Mall and everyone I meet who knows her always tells me what a friendly, caring person she is! Right now she is going throw her mother dying of cancer – with probably only a day or a few more – and yet she STILL keeps a great attitude and stays strong for her family. I think one of the most special things about her is that all her life she has been kind to and helped the downtrodden, the people considered “outcasts”, and people with mental illnesses.
She goes through the constant pain of fibromyalgia yet she keeps such a positive outlook and very rarely complains. Like I mentioned earlier her mother (also a beautiful woman) has cancer throughout her body and it’s very, very hard on Vicki yet she continues to worry about other people’s comfort and emotions. Her birthday is coming up in a few days and she may have to deal with the death of her mother on or near that day yet she would never let you see the stress she feels from that!
She would give her last dollar to anyone she felt needed it more than she did! When we have been out in public many times the group we are with will look around to see where she went and here she’s talking to total strangers like they were long lost friend! She practically knows their whole life story after about 15 minutes of talking to them. If you ask people around the West Acres Mall who are regular customers or workers (and some people who just go there once in awhile) about her I’m positive they will know her and tell you how kind, gentle, and compassionate she is. I have seen her cry just by hearing a sad story on TV or a movie or just one by a stranger’s sad story as if she knew them personally.
Unlike most of us who only use the time that someone else is talking to think of what we are going to say next, she truly listens intently and could probably quote every thing the other person said word for word. And truly care about their troubles in life!!!
The reason I know all this is because I’m her son.
Irma Ciber
Irma Ciber is not only my sister, nor a strong and ambitious person, but she is my mother figure. Growing up, coming from a war torn country, losing our mother to kidney failure from third degree burns at the age of 9 and 3, and being shifted from one country (Bosnia) to another (Italy) by ourselves, she was always my rock. From being placed in a hospital due to 3rd degree burns, with no family members around nor the ability to speak Italian, to being adopted by total strangers, never did I have to worry if we were going to be okay because I knew my sister would find a way.
Two and half years later, we found ourselves as refugees in Fargo, North Dakota, to be closer to our maternal family and to be reunited with our father, who had been a soldier through the Civil War in Bosnia.
My sister was the only one I could rely on, being 6 years younger than her, she was my idol and that mother figure that I needed. You may wonder how she managed to do it all being young herself? Well, my sister is that golden character. It’s because of her can-do attitude that she managed to pull through while making sure that I was taken care of.
Irma has gone through a lot of burdens in her life and yet without much guidance, she ended up graduating with Bachelors in Business Administration from North Dakota State University. She is looking to further her degree and go back to attain her Masters in Hospital Management.
She currently works for a non-profit organization, Family HealthCare Center, a community health center that serves those who are uninsured, underinsured, homeless, or those that are in need of a medical home. She is an amazing mother to her two year old daughter, Lamya, and I know that once Lamya grows up into a young lady, my sister will be her idol as well.
She had managed to move mountains her whole life and those were just a few examples. She has witnessed a lot and nothing stopped her or is stopping her from succeeding and bettering herself and her family. She is a beautiful person inside and out! Did I forget to mention that she always has a smile on her face? Dijana.
Nichole Peschong
Nichole has a unique life. Married to a North Dakota State Trooper and residing in a small town she faces many challenges most women, wives, and moms don’t. Nichole has to be constantly on. She does not have time to rest. Working 45 miles away from home and commuting every day leaves little time in her day for the extras most women enjoy. Keeping this work schedule in mind, she also takes care of two very energetic boys ages 6 and 4 and we are expecting a little girl in July. Nichole’s most unique challenge is the life of a wife who is married to a cop. From crazy schedules, missed dates, eating dinner alone with the kids, and the stress that unfortunately follows me home, she keeps a positive attitude and smile on her face. The wife of a cop often times deals with more stress then the cop. Having to live in a small community where everyone knows everybody can raise challenges. Nichole has dealt with angry violators who verbally release their frustrations on her, has lost friends, and had people not talk to her simply for what I do for a job. Nichole does not miss a beat. She continues to build strong community relationships with neighbors and other community members. I believe the most beautiful woman is not only a woman who has beauty on the outside, but also the inside. Such things as integrity, the caring for people, love for family, and love for your neighbor places Nichole as a perfect candidate for this. The wife of a cop truly is overlooked, for the wife of a cop is just as much as a community servant, as the cop itself. Matt.
Terry Renecker
I have to tell you about my friend Terry, breast cancer survivor, and one of the most giving, amazing women of our community. She works at the Mert-Armstrong Center in the downtown area, helping members of the Mental Health Association and countless homeless people. She feeds them every day, cooking giant meals for so many people. She also takes them on outings all over the community – they do everything from attend the Redhawks, to volunteering their time for other needy people at the food shelters.
Today, I learned she is hosting a steak dinner. This is what she commented on her status, and it about brought me to tears because it is so AMAZING:
“Terry Braaten-Renecker
I am hosting a Las Vegas style Dinner & Show for our members. It includes a steak and shrimp scampi dinner with all the fixins and an Elvis Tribute Artist (impersonator) will come preform a 2 1/2 hour Show for us. Then l’ilolejr karoke will close the night out with singing and dancing. The entire night of entertainment is donated to us and will be serviced by volunteers! I couldn’t do this without the wonderful support and generosity from our community.”
Terry is the most giving person I know – she would give you the shirt off her back. She has the biggest heart I’ve ever seen in any one person besides God. She is so capable and helpful and HUMBLE! Terry, while she was going through treatments for her breast cancer, was STILL HELPING OTHERS (one of the news outlets did a story on her back then).
I wish I could afford to do something really special for Terry – like a spa day and shopping. She so deserves it, but knowing her, she would refuse it. I just wish – because this woman is soooo special to our community and she should be shown by something great, so I hope that you will consider having her as a guest on your program, to tell her story. Terry is captivating.
Thanks for your time,
Jen Hoy
Shelley Schmidt
I am nominating my mother Shelley. I am her daughter Cassidy. Our mom is a single mom and had to go on disability due to an auto accident. She has been in two very abusive relationships and watching her mom die of cancer the last seven years. My mom sells Mary Kay on the side to try to bring in some additional income. I also have an older brother named Cody who is 17. My mom is 41 and does not look like it as she is a beautiful mom and I am so proud how she provides and gives up for herself for her kids if they need something. My mom is a women of pride, respect, dignity and her looks are what gets her through the day she always makes sure she looks good and uses for Mary Kay and if her pain level is high which is almost daily she makes an effort to try to keep up her looks as just this little bit in her life makes her feel better about herself as she can look good outside because inside she is in very bad pain. I love my mom she is the best mom in the world.
Joy Reski
Everyone invites & awaits Joy’s contagious warm & friendly smile whenever we walk into a gathering of people, whether they have known her or not.
I am a grinning bystander as I hear her past students stop to talk to her about what they have done with the languages she has taught & shared with them in her 30 years of teaching in the Fargo area.
Besides, she brings endless Joy to my life also.
Husband
